The week in numbers:
Times I tracked my calories: 0
Days I missed from work due to migraine and medication issues 2
Days I went without eating: 2
Times I b/p: 0
Hours slept: Too many to remember…it is Sunday, right?
This week’s post is strange just because I have nothing really to report in terms of progress. Sure, not b/p is a huge deal, but not eating for two days or tracking wasn’t so good. I know I said I would start over this week, but the timing was off.
When I went to the doctor last Friday, we discussed my medication regimen. I am near the max on Effexor, and while I feel better than I ever did on Cymbalta, I’m just not quite there.
Medication can’t do everything. I know this. I have therapy and, in some cases, I have to make lifestyle decisions to remove myself from stressful situations. Finding a different job and moving are the biggest ones, but until the kid knows for sure what he will be doing after June, I am waiting. No, I am not going to move every time he does, but if he decides to stay in Richmond then I may not move until he finishes college. I’ll just find a different job and plan to travel a lot until he graduates. Advantage to that is I will have an opportunity to look at more places to move to than just those I can drive to now.
Back to the medications…Since I am not so very low, but also not great (think: all indifferent, all the time), the doctor decided to try Wellbutrin again as a supplement to Effexor. The last time I tried Wellbutrin, it was a higher dose and with Cymbalta and I could not tolerate it at all. This time wasn’t as bad…until the headache hit. Then the tremors again. I lasted five days on it this time. So no more Wellbutrin for me, no matter what it may be combined with.
The two days that I was sick, I didn’t eat at all. That was very weird, not wanting or being able to eat vs. choosing to starve myself. It’s kind of like when you get sick and throw up when you have bulimia; just because you are used to it doesn’t mean you want to have it happen randomly. That probably only makes sense to some of y’all…if at all. Eating disorders are about control of our bodies. These days of not eating or being able to do anything were out of my control and there was nothing I could do.
Physically, I am better now. Today is a new day, tomorrow is a work day. I try not to dwell on it, so I am doing what I can now to try to prepare for it mentally:
Sparkly nail polish? Ready to be used.
Fun activity for today? Lego movie tickets bought so that we can see it again (yeah…in losing track of days, I didn’t realize the Muppets start next week!).
Chats and other interactions with friends via online and other digital means? Always.
Later today I will get on the scale and update my weight. Whenever I decide to eat today, now that I can, I will use my phone app to log it into the system. It won’t be pretty, but it will finally feel good to be back on track. Structure and routine are what I need to get back into my life right now.
Now, if you are celebrating (or still celebrating) tomorrow’s holiday early, then please be careful. No amount of pride in your heritage or excuse to wear green hats is worth tragedy from drinking and driving.
Also remember, not all redheads are Irish…even ones in disguise like me!
What? Oh, the shirts? Hello Kitty, of course. They’re cute…and I like cute shirts that come in my size. St. Patrick’s Day has nothing to do with it. If St. George’s Day ever becomes a holiday, I will happily buy all the HK stuff I can to celebrate my heritage AND try to be cute at the same time!
Housekeeping note: I am messing with the themes on here again. I think I am staying with this one but the header and all are probably going to change once I figure out how to make it look normal. Thanks for your patience while I “remodel” virtually!
**New followers: b/p is binge/purge, see the other posts under this category if you want to learn more about my eating disorder battle.