This is a hard post to write.
A lot of things are going upside-turvy in my life right now and, unfortunately, parts of them have to do with this blog.
It’s more situational vs. people.
OK, fuck that. It’s people and the situations we get into as humans who interact, whether we mean to or not. I blame myself just as much as anyone else. Some things happen accidentally or evolve over time, others happen quickly and with the purpose to hurt someone. Badly.
What was an outlet for me is no longer a safe place. People know about this site who I probably should have kept it from. Nothing major, but not exactly the best for creative freedom at times.
For all the friends I have made, I have lost more than a few. I’ve fallen in like and been made fun of; made best friends and been shunned. And while the good outweighs the bad, always, the ghosts and haunts of the others still turn up well past Halloween.
Now, I am having to figure out a move and the money involved with that, as well as getting my kid set for college (again) in a few months and me still looking for a new job. My frustration level is stuck on “stress cry” all the time, it seems.
This is all why I have to say goodbye to NAPR. Sheena. My alternate persona, here to keep me anonymous originally. (And apparently, a test to see who actually is a Ramones fan or not over the years!)
I got lazy with that, sharing my real name and such, and it has backfired at times.
I’m going to leave this blog up, take a few posts down, and put comments on moderation. I am definitely leaving the information about Matthew’s depression journey up here since it still gets search hits and it’s important that it be accessible. Plus there are pingbacks and such to other blogs that I don’t want to messup, so most of the stuff will stay.
I’m not saying goodbye to y’all, though. Not completely.
My plan now, after a break, is to ease back into this world slowly. A new name, a new space. Not hiding who I am, but trying to find a better way to express who I am now vs. a few years ago. Yeah, I’m still the depressed girl with bulimia and blue nails, but I like to think I uncovered more in this space over the years.
As with any other time I have tried to take a break, we know I won’t be away long. I will still comment on your posts, probably under this name for a bit longer…then one day you may notice a new name but somewhat familiar face in your comments instead. That might be me. Then you’d be welcome to come see my new space and what I’m up to. If you want to, that is. Probably the same I was doing here, but who knows now (Legos are a given; what else am I going to do with them?)
So, until we meet again, I say thanks and I hope to see you soon. If not, then thank you for reading this rambling post, and blog, to the end.
Love and peace to you all…auf wiedersehen.