Accountability Post–Side Effects and Hello Kitty

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The week in numbers:

Times I tracked my calories:  0

Days I missed from work due to migraine and medication issues  2

Days I went without eating:  2

Times I b/p:  0

Hours slept:  Too many to remember…it is Sunday, right?

This week’s post is strange just because I have nothing really to report in terms of progress.  Sure, not b/p is a huge deal, but not eating for two days or tracking wasn’t so good.  I know I said I would start over this week, but the timing was off.

When I went to the doctor last Friday, we discussed my medication regimen.  I am near the max on Effexor, and while I feel better than I ever did on Cymbalta, I’m just not quite there.  

Medication can’t do everything. I know this. I have therapy and, in some cases, I have to make lifestyle decisions to remove myself from stressful situations.  Finding a different job and moving are the biggest ones, but until the kid knows for sure what he will be doing after June, I am waiting.  No, I am not going to move every time he does, but if he decides to stay in Richmond then I may not move until he finishes college.  I’ll just find a different job and plan to travel a lot until he graduates.  Advantage to that is I will have an opportunity to look at more places to move to than just those I can drive to now.

Back to the medications…Since I am not so very low, but also not great (think:  all indifferent, all the time), the doctor decided to try Wellbutrin again as a supplement to Effexor.  The last time I tried Wellbutrin, it was a higher dose and with Cymbalta and I could not tolerate it at all.  This time wasn’t as bad…until the headache hit.  Then the tremors again.  I lasted five days on it this time.  So no more Wellbutrin for me, no matter what it may be combined with.  

The two days that I was sick, I didn’t eat at all.  That was very weird, not wanting or being able to eat vs. choosing to starve myself.  It’s kind of like when you get sick and throw up when you have bulimia; just because you are used to it doesn’t mean you want to have it happen randomly.  That probably only makes sense to some of y’all…if at all.  Eating disorders are about control of our bodies.  These days of not eating or being able to do anything were out of my control and there was nothing I could do.  

Eating Disorder Poster copy

I found this during NEDA Week, but never used it.

Physically, I am better now.  Today is a new day, tomorrow is a work day.  I try not to dwell on it, so I am doing what I can now to try to prepare for it mentally:

Sparkly nail polish?  Ready to be used.  

Fun activity for today?  Lego movie tickets bought so that we can see it again (yeah…in losing track of days, I didn’t realize the Muppets start next week!).  

Chats and other interactions with friends via online and other digital means?  Always.

Later today I will get on the scale and update my weight.  Whenever I decide to eat today, now that I can, I will use my phone app to log it into the system.  It won’t be pretty, but it will finally feel good to be back on track. Structure and routine are what I need to get back into my life right now.

Now, if you are celebrating (or still celebrating) tomorrow’s holiday early, then please be careful.  No amount of pride in your heritage or excuse to wear green hats is worth tragedy from drinking and driving.

Also remember, not all redheads are Irish…even ones in disguise like me!

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All this cool and cuteness. Why am I still single? 37 and dressing like a teen is supposed to be “in”, right?

What? Oh, the shirts? Hello Kitty, of course. They’re cute…and I like cute shirts that come in my size. St. Patrick’s Day has nothing to do with it. If St. George’s Day ever becomes a holiday, I will happily buy all the HK stuff I can to celebrate my heritage AND try to be cute at the same time!

Housekeeping note:  I am messing with the themes on here again.  I think I am staying with this one but the header and all are probably going to change once I figure out how to make it look normal.  Thanks for your patience while I “remodel” virtually!

**New followers:  b/p is binge/purge, see the other posts under this category if you want to learn more about my eating disorder battle.

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41 thoughts on “Accountability Post–Side Effects and Hello Kitty

  1. Oh my gosh, what a LONG week you had ! =( I am hoping that things will even out now that you are feeling better. =)

    I am so sorry you were not able to eat anything for so long… that must have wreaked havoc on your whole system.PLEASE try to eat a bit today, and do not worry about what that damned scale says… heal then you can fix things. =)

    I am so proud of you for working so hard to create the life you deserve… you are a strong lady, Punky ! =)

    Enjoy your time with the kiddo at the movie, what a nice way to spend some time together ! Take good care… =)

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      • I am SO HAPPY you are on the mend ! =) Isn’t it fun to see a movie for a second time and enjoy little bits you missed the first time around ? =) Glad you had a great day… =)

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  2. Med changes are a BITCH. I cringe any time shrinky-poo suggests I need one. I hope you get yours worked out soon and that everything keeps working as it should for a good long while. There’s few things worse than the medicine that’s supposed to make you feel better actually making you feel worse.

    We’re doing our “celebrating” today. Nothing fancy or exciting, just some corned beef, cabbage, red potatoes, and carrots all tossed in the crock pot. I never was a fan of drinking on St. Pat’s Day – I refer it as one of the many “amateur” nights.

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    • Amateur night=love it!

      We are trying to go the path of least resistance, or first do no harm, or something like that. Next steps will be for me to come off Effexor entirely and try Prozac (only drug actually identified for bulimia, but of course depression too) or Zoloft.

      It’s funny, when the kid went on his medication, they put him on Zoloft because I had just started Effexor. Since he’s doing so well on it there’s an indication there that it might actually work for me too LOL

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  3. lol, amateur nights. This theme is starting to become super popular. I can see why though, it is very clean and nice looking. I like your color scheme you got going on. :D

    I hope the meds get sorted out, but it sounds like you’re on the right path. (I do know what a bitch that can be too). Sounds like you’ve got some big plans coming up but it seems like you’re getting prepped in all the right ways. :)

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    • Oh no, is it too popular? Have I gone mainstream?

      I really loved Splendio but after a while with extended conversations in the comments, the drill-down was a visual pain. We’ll see how this one works out, once I figure out the header issue.

      Hope you are doing well too. It’s funny, I can make big decisions pretty easily and sweat all the small ones.

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  4. I didn’t even know there was a holiday tomorrow, but it sounds like a great excuse to relax and stuff :D.
    Sorry to hear about the headache (horrrrible) and indifference. That’s not good. Hopefully you will find a better combination of medication and everything so that life will become shiny and glittery and stuff. Until then, keep wearing those T-shirts! ;)

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    • We don’t get the day off or anything, but yeah St. Patrick’s Day is a holiday like Valentine’s Day.

      It’s all hit or miss with the meds, but I will keep trying. And wearing the cool t-shirts. My psychiatrist noticed my blue extensions the other day, he liked them!

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  5. Gah! Glad themigraines faded, and I hope the next round of meds works better for you.

    And thanks so much for mentioning The Lego Movie, as now that damn song is stuck in my head.
    What? It isn’t in yours?
    Nono, I insist!

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  6. I hope your and your doctor manage to find the correct mix of meds soon. I was on Efexor once but since I washed them down with vodka I guess it defeated the purpose.
    This theme is great and I love the colours.

    Hello Kitty is the cutest! I can’t wear it though, being a bloke and all :-)

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    • My doctor is very good about listening to my concerns,so I know it is just a matter of time. Yikes on the meds and vodka but I am glad that is behind you now.

      Hey, you can wear whatever you want in the comfort of your home. No judgment here! ;-)

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  7. Did I miss St. Patricks Day? Wait. When was this blog posted… is it tomorrow? I’m so lost. Who am I?
    I hope you get the med situation worked out, it sounds stupidly frustrating but at least your doc is working on it with you and you’re good at advocating for yourself.
    So is the kid going back and forth between deciding to backpack and deciding to start college? I may have gotten lost :-/ We’ll have to have our backpacking discussion if that’s what he decides to go with! I feel like mailing you my (kickass, incredible) 80L Osprey backpack if that’s the route he chooses! Most of my trips now involve fancy rolling luggage. sigh

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    • Today is Sunday. St. Paddy’s is Monday so a lot of people are celebrating this weekend.

      I think you’re Aussa…unless you are really some Disney villain…

      Yes, my doctor is good about listening. I’ve been going to him for a year and feel better about speaking up (bonus: cute!)

      Honestly? I have no idea what he is planning on but only has three months to figure it out I figure he will probably leave for a few months, even if just to his dad’s, and then start part-time at community college. He’s still considering nursing or, now, x-ray technician.

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      • I’m curious to see Angelina Jolie’s version of my story, coming to theatres soon ;) Good to know about St. Patricks Day! I’ll wear green tomorrow so that no one has an excuse to touch me…

        Nursing is one of the best industries to go into right now, or so I hear from people like John Tesh and various other gurus. It’s so hard to know what you want to do when you’re 18! I wanted to be an independently wealthy and unemployed writer ;) I’ll let you know how that works out.

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  8. You had me at HK, girl! I’ll be sporting my green HK tomorrow in solidarity! Don’t beat yourself up about not eating; tomorrow is another day. People used to say to me, “but you HAVE to eat.” and I’d say either out loud or to myself, “no I don’t.” So eat if you want and if you don’t, at least make sure you’re having enough water, OK? That’s really the most important thing. :)

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    • Hi, nice of you to stop by ;-) Yes, I wore the “Lucky Charm” one today. I think I have six HK t-shirts, and three are St. Patrick-themed? Funny!

      I am feeling better and am able to eat some. I am staying hydrated too, I know that’s a huge thing. Thank you, Seashell for looking out for me ((hugs))

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  9. Enjoy your day now that you are feeling better. Everything else can wait a bit longer, it’s not like it’s going anywhere. lol
    Big hugs!
    I love your new look here. It’s coming together nicely!

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    • (((Big HUGS)) back atcha, Jackie.

      The look is growing on me. Rara just redid her blog and I was like “hey, I’m stealing your theme”. I just need to do a few more tweaks here and there, but no rush :-)

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  10. Well now that today is a new day, glad you decided to have fun and get ready for the stressful work day tomorrow. I just started to work again and I’ve been stressed as hell. Some nice nail polish would have made me feel a little better. >.< But I didn’t think about that before hand. But you go, girl! You’re getting there in baby steps! <3

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  11. What a week you’ve had! Med changes are a real bitch, to which I can attest, and am currently keeping my fingers crossed that my Lithium level hasn’t gone off the charts because, mentally, I like how I’m feeling. So, I may be there with you sooner than later. Good for you for doing your accountability post, and no b/p is great, even if you WERE sick. Give yourself some dang credit, girl. There are seven days in a week! You didn’t eat two (not on purpose), and ate normally or at least no b/p in those five. That is progress, no matter how you do the math. Pat your darn self on the back, already! :D And here’s to lowering your stress level, no matter what it takes. Even if you rid yourself of one tiny little stressful thing, that’s progress.

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    • I can look it up if it’s complicated to explain, but what do you mean “lithium level off the charts”? I am glad you are in a place where you are feeling better now, fingers crossed that you have no reason to change anytime soon!

      Yeah, I should be glad that there was no b/p given this if the first week in forever that I haven’t had that, it just worried me that it may look like I was “glad” about the two non-eating days.

      Thank you as always for the encouragement and perspective, Rose ((hugs))

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      • Lithium levels have to be drawn semi-regularly because a high lithium level is toxic and can actually kill you. I am at risk for a high lithium level and am always at 0.1 away from being too high. I am also on a water pill that makes it harder for my body to excrete the lithium, which can make the level higher. I just want to be able to keep my same level (even though it is close to toxic) because I seem to be doing really well mentally.

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  12. I actually loved this update! :) Kinda nice for you to have a week where you didn’t keep track, nor b/p and came up ahead, despite the fact that you were ill! :) Probably not what I’m supposed to take away from the post, but I like being different!

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    • It’s a different but valid perspective. Not a perfect week, but not as stressful and no self-harm with the b/p. Different is good…which is probably why we get along! :-)

      Thanks, Kate!

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  13. One day at a time Sheena. You’re getting there. We all travel at different speeds, but slow and steady wins the game. It took a broken shoulder to teach me that, so don’t break yours to learn. I can tell you definitely it hurts, and then the therapy, which I’ll still be doing for months, hurts even more. So, since I know I did it to myself in a way by not listening to my doctor when he told me I couldn’t walk again, I just had to show him I would. He was right, I was wrong, I’m paying for it and he is collecting the money. But then he prescribed the meds that made me dizzy. So I switched doctors, and the new one is extremely careful about what he prescribes. No changes as long as what I’m taking is still working, and then samples for a few weeks to see if I can take them before he will write a prescription.

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    • I am glad you found a good doctor this time around.

      Mine is very good about partial prescriptions and follow up so I don’t have to go a whole month or more feeling lousy or paying for meds I can’t use. I am sure if I asked, I would get samples, but I am fortunate in that I have flex money I have to spend (knocks on wood, that never happens, even in the best of years).

      Take care and thank you again for the encouragement ((hugs))

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  14. Not a perfect week but there are definitely positives there!!! I am so happy you are holding yourself accountable and sharing this with us. You know I’m a big fan of yours and love a chat anytime! Hello Kitty shirts are adorable!!! Hope this is a good week :)

    ((hugs)) always xx

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  15. I did really well on Welbutrin for years. I ended up getting combined with Lamictal a few years ago and have since gone from both to just Lamictal. I seem to feel more “normal” I still have mood swings but I’ve learned that they’re usually caused by keeping my feelings to myself for too long instead of talking to those they are concerned with vs. therapy. Therapy’s great but sometimes I need to address my feelings with those they are about (weird sentence, hope that made sense). I hope you’re feeling better soon! Med switches are always weird.

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  16. Thank you for explaining B/P since I am a new reader. I am also counting calories because I have COPD & I need to lose weight to make breathing easier. I am sorry you are having trouble with your meds. I also suffer from depression & anxiety/panic disorder. I take Celexa for depression with a bump up from quietedipiene (I’ve forgotten what the brand name is). Until they changed my puffer recently to deal with my breathing issues I was fairly well controlled. Now I am shaky & vibrating. They tried me on Symbicort for breathing first & I was vibrating within hours of the first dose. Now I am taking Advair, it’s better but not the best. I hate when they mess with your medication. I used to take a different medication for depression. I lived in the bush in NW Ont. & we had a visiting physician & I needed a new prescription for depression meds. Without consulting me, she chastised me for taking an old-fashioned anti-depressant & changed me to Celexa. I suffered from 20-30 panic attacks for 3 days before my body adjusted. I tried calling to get help – she wouldn’t return my calls. I lived 4 hours by car from the nearest hospital & was too sick to be able to drive myself, so I had to suffer through this torture alone. I get very defensive if anyone wants to change any of my medications.

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  17. arkansasrose says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I’ve dealt with a/b/p from my early teens to early 20s. I totally get ‘throwing up when you have to’ vs ‘throwing up when you want’ and how it messes with you. I’ve been stable the last 10 years and got even better about 3 years ago when I was diagnosed with Bipolar and put on meds. I will never say ‘ I had an eating disorder ‘ I will always have one. I’ve just learned how to deal with it properly. I wish you well in your journey and look forward to reading more.

    Hello Kitty is always a good choice. My bathroom is decorated in Hello Kitty. :)

    Like

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